I’m a Failure

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Greetings

Not very many people have seen me collapse into a spiral of self-defeat, but it happened recently. I choose the word “spiral” because the process was nauseating – like the Tilt-a- Whirl of my childhood – only the longer I stayed on the ride, the lower I descended.

Despite logic and intellect, I allowed myself to remain in my whirly car, wallowing in misery and clutching utter failure.

Eventually I sought the company of friends, and therein found support. But first the tears rushed out. I took flight, hiding from the world, yet hoping someone would follow me. Wanting to be alone, but afraid of solitude.

Have you ever sunk your whole heart into something and it just didn’t turn out the way you planned? Maybe it was a fancy dinner you’d decided to cook, or a business deal that fell through, or a love interest who didn’t return affection.

In the moment, there’s no shut-off switch, no airsick bag, and no escape. There’s only the spiraling wave. You just gotta stay strapped in until the ride stops, so you don’t get thrown into even worse problems.

But those moments pass.

It took courage for you to risk whatever brought you to that point, and it takes courage to climb out the other side. But climb, you must.

The evening of my recent crash, a graduation speech video was what ultimately “fixed” me. I share it now so we both may be inspired, and if you know someone clutching their failure too tightly, I encourage you to share it on again.

Never give up. Never fall too far into despair that you forget why you took the risk in the first place. And never stop trying!

With love and empathy, Demi

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